Not Even Stories:

1) Melissa and Gohst were friends with benefits. This means that in exchange for sex, they received health and dental insurance. So they kept having sex, because they did not live in country with universal healthcare.

2) Burns are generally worse than aches, but heart-ache is worse than heart-burn. Except if you have really bad acid-reflux syndrome.

3) The cat was out of the bag. Unfortunately, the bag was where the cat belonged. This was unfortunate for the cat. That he had escaped the bag was unfortunate for his owner. There was misfortune all around.